The Will To Rise

Don't bury me, I'm not dead yet.
There's too much life in this body
For me to give room to regret
There's too much left to do
And too much time to do it in
Too much in me still dances
Too much inside me still laughs and sings.

I've made many mistakes
I know you'll never forget
But don't bury me,
I'm not dead yet.

The.Legacy.
I bequeath to you today an unusual gift. Intangible and yet priceless. Not to be categorised among 'the little things'. This is a big thing - this is a big gift.

And it is necessary for every day. For the million and one little things that can go wrong. For the dark times. The sad times. The awful and bad times. The times of deep despair and despondence...

Sometimes falling becomes commonplace. An easy thing to do. And each time, getting up feels more like a chore. An increasingly difficult task to master. Sometimes finishing a race in which you've stumbled many times seems silly and unwise. Sometimes, giving a thing at which you've failed a second, third, fourth try seems like cruel and unusual self-punishment.

A fall can look like a fail. Especially when it's repetitive. The fallen can be branded a failure. Rising - or trying to - in the eyes of the onlooker, can seem like a symptom of stupidity. The fallen one, in the eyes of the observer, can be easily underestimated, underappreciated ... the fallen can be buried before the fallen is dead.

But don't listen to them! They don't know you. And they've never caught a glimpse of your heart. When the whole world decides you're over and done, know that I will NEVER give up on you. When everyone else has walked away, look up. See me waiting to see you rise.

Because I have given you this gift. And I wait to see you use it.
For all you are and ever hope to be ...

... I give you the will to rise.

Throwing a Theory Out There...

Some misguided direlict made the statement that all good things must come to an end. When I look at the mess Jamaica is in right now, I disagree: ALL BAD THINGS MUST COME TO AN END. And coming to an end (or at least temporary recession) they are...

The revelations of the connections between our politicians and drug-dealers, dons, king-pins, etc are about to get worse. This is the tip of the iceberg, and people will begin to squeal like stuck pigs...

Do you realise that it is the 'dreaded' economic recession that has propelled all of this?? Times got tight, and the people laundering or illegally dealing in money started to find it difficult to source easy capital... as they became unable to make good on their promises to their 'lenders' (think CashPlus, Olint, WorldWise, Madoff's empire), their lenders became restless, their activities began to look suspicious, they came under international and national scrutiny, and were subsequently exposed.

That is directly linked to the seemingly legitimate bigwigs who assisted or depended on them for money... their connections to these people, and the sources of their wealth started being investigated as well. Some of them have already gone down and the rest are very close to going down.

How does this tie in to politics?? Well, these bigwigs are connected to politicians who facilitate their illegal acquisition of wealth in exchange for 'sponsorship' of political programmes and campaigns. It can be in as illicit a manner as providing the 'dons' or small men to do this bigwig's evil bidding, or as small as turning a blind eye to wrongdoings of their 'brethrens'. These politicians are getting antsy, because these bigwigs are going down, and their connections to them are also being questioned and coming under international scrutiny.

Enter the infamous extradition matter. The entire Jamaican Government froze. That's a big risk. In more than one ways, for more than one reasons... depending on who you're batting for. This extradtion matter has raised questions about (the already well-known absence of) cleanliness and transparency in our Government. It puts them directly in the limelight (and they're already indirectly in the limelight through their connections to these bigwigs now being exposed and brought down). It's the final link. It shows the connection between the government and the dons, druggists, gunners. The blood that flows through all their veins is POWER and MONEY. It's always been about these two elements.

But now, (I really hope), this system is going downhill and leading to one place: exposure.

I'm not sure if I'm 100% correct, or if I'm not missing some key links, but from my viewpoint, this is what I see... you can let me know what you think.

The Writing Rules

Why I need a car...

Ok. This has been a long time coming. And it's inevitable... I need a car.

I mean, I really need a car!! *Sees my parents blinking their eyes, unmoved* No, seriously, I neeeed one!! And I can prove it!

1. I've been living in Kingston for the better part of five years, and my family is in St Mary. If I want to see them, I have to fork out $700 to travel there and back... that's A LOT of money when I have to do that regularly... a car would help with that!

2. Many a time, I'm stuck at a supermarket waiting for a taxi to take me home... and sometimes I actually have more places to go to (post-supermarket errands)... and too many bags to carry... that can run up a hefty bill. Now, imagine if Ruthi had a car ...

3. I like movement, I like speed (ok no, in case a transport official is reading this, no, I don't like speed at all. Speed is bad, very bad). But I do like to be able to get to where I'm going quickly. Hehe.

4. If I had a car, I would never be late for work. Ever. Having my own ride would cut the time it takes to get there in half. And cut out the unnecessary delays that sometimes come with commutes, speaking of which ...

5. No more commute!! No more rude, handsy, chatty, loud, stinky, noisy people trying to cow me down or drive me crazy. Just me and the sweet sounds of Hillsongs playing on my stereo in my BMW 318i... can't you see it?? Doesn't it just make you want to buy me a car? *smiles sweetly*

6. No more being stranded. No more not knowing how I'm going to get home after a late concert, or a long night at work, or an extended visit at a friend's house. No more waiting for mobile friends to come pick me up (because I'd be mobile!), or worrying if that one fickle friend won't cancel on me at the last minute again ... *side-eyes that friend*

7. Free rides for my friends and church family... knowing me and my propensity to go on spontaneous adventures, we could FINALLY start to go to all the places we've been planning to go to FOREVER!

8. Adventures. Yes, gas costs money. But I could freely travel. Plan trips to far places and just budget for gas money, car maintenance and such, instead of having to plan with public commute in mind, which can be such a bother.

So, why am I posting this on my blog?? Well, my dear, dear, dear friends, my birthday is December 7, which gives you ample time to let the Lord speak to you... lol. But if He doesn't tell you what I want to hear, I'll still drop by your blog and show some love, just leave a comment below... have a good one all!

Death of an acquaintance

I call him an acquaintance because I think that's what he was to me: an acquaintance. A friend of a friend. Or rather, the son of a friend and mentor. A part of a family I'd seen enough of to feel like I could call him an acquaintance, to feel like I kinda knew him: a little.

To them, he was so much more than that!!

And now he is dead.

Dead.
DEAD!!!
Shot. Murdered. Killed. Justlikethat.
Nothing left. No life. No nothing.
Just dead.

What does that even mean??

She is a good woman. A great mother. An awesome mentor and friend.
He taught me in university. I mean, he was one of my most inspiring teachers.
His sister is fun and cool and down-to-earth. Spunky sometimes.
His sons are young and innocent, and probably oblivious to what's going on.

They don't deserve this.

Nobody deserves this.

Why??

A life.
Snuffed out like it has no value.
What's going on?
Jamaica, seriously, WHAT IS GOING ON?
When is this going to stop?

It keeps getting closer to home.
And you wonder, who next?

My deepest and sincerest condolences to the family, friends and relatives of my acquaintance. I feel deeply for you, and that alone tells me the immeasurable pain and burden that you must carry...

I am sorry. I wish I could bring him back to life. I hope and pray that you all get through this. Somehow.

Prayer for the Self

Dear God,


I pray this feeling never goes away.


I pray I feel this agony
Each and every day


I pray I feel their pain
I pray their cries burn my heart


Let me live the situation
Till I find a solution.


Give me no peace
And give me no sleep


Make me desperate
Make me restless


Let my respiration
Be filled with desperation


I am the solution.
Help me to find me.


Copyright 2009 Ruthibelle

If ambition is a disease...

On behalf of young people all over this country who dare to dream, I proudly, defiantly declare...

If ambition is a disease, I am terminally ill... -Ruthibelle

H. W. Arnold said that the greatest bankruptcy in the world is the person who has lost his enthusiasm. I have many friends who walk around bankrupt. Empty. Daily. Fighting to keep hope alive in young hearts and minds that would rather retire and die. Or run off to another country for (seemingly) 'greener pastures'.

It makes me sad, because I remember their determination while we studied at university. I remember the light and fire in their eyes ... It is a tragedy to watch creativity and ingenuity get smothered by the recurring hardships of life, especially because those now dying struggled so hard to keep these flames of passion lit while attending university. For many of my friends, life has been a series of battles to keep hope alive.

What kind of country does that to its youth? What kind of country kills creativity and somehow transforms hard-earned success (like graduating from university) into a negative, burdensome experience? A member of our government recently made a statement to the effect that university graduates who cannot find jobs or afford to repay students' loans are in that predicament because they chose the wrong professions. Isn't that an irresponsible and careless thing to say? A statement indicative of a government becoming unpalatably abusive and insensitive to its people?

One of my friends pointed out that, by making such an irresponsible statement, our Government is, in essence, condemning ambition and telling young people to choose careers that guarantee them jobs (which ones are those, pray tell), instead of studying subject areas they are actually interested in.

Max Lucado said that ambition is that grit in the soul which creates disenchantment with the ordinary and puts the dare in dreams. I have long been disenchanted with things ordinary and substandard. And I walk among like-minded friends. We are not satisfied with average. God knows we love Jamaica, but it can get rough. It can be really hard to have a dream in a dreamless state.

Today, I use this blog post to recognise my friends all over Jamaica who dream big, and do not let the pressures of everyday life kill their passions and desires. I recognise the quiet strength it takes for them to choose energetic, active living over merely existing each day. And I respect that. Even if our government doesn't. I do. And I hope that makes a difference and counts for something ...