Death of an acquaintance

I call him an acquaintance because I think that's what he was to me: an acquaintance. A friend of a friend. Or rather, the son of a friend and mentor. A part of a family I'd seen enough of to feel like I could call him an acquaintance, to feel like I kinda knew him: a little.

To them, he was so much more than that!!

And now he is dead.

Dead.
DEAD!!!
Shot. Murdered. Killed. Justlikethat.
Nothing left. No life. No nothing.
Just dead.

What does that even mean??

She is a good woman. A great mother. An awesome mentor and friend.
He taught me in university. I mean, he was one of my most inspiring teachers.
His sister is fun and cool and down-to-earth. Spunky sometimes.
His sons are young and innocent, and probably oblivious to what's going on.

They don't deserve this.

Nobody deserves this.

Why??

A life.
Snuffed out like it has no value.
What's going on?
Jamaica, seriously, WHAT IS GOING ON?
When is this going to stop?

It keeps getting closer to home.
And you wonder, who next?

My deepest and sincerest condolences to the family, friends and relatives of my acquaintance. I feel deeply for you, and that alone tells me the immeasurable pain and burden that you must carry...

I am sorry. I wish I could bring him back to life. I hope and pray that you all get through this. Somehow.

Prayer for the Self

Dear God,


I pray this feeling never goes away.


I pray I feel this agony
Each and every day


I pray I feel their pain
I pray their cries burn my heart


Let me live the situation
Till I find a solution.


Give me no peace
And give me no sleep


Make me desperate
Make me restless


Let my respiration
Be filled with desperation


I am the solution.
Help me to find me.


Copyright 2009 Ruthibelle

If ambition is a disease...

On behalf of young people all over this country who dare to dream, I proudly, defiantly declare...

If ambition is a disease, I am terminally ill... -Ruthibelle

H. W. Arnold said that the greatest bankruptcy in the world is the person who has lost his enthusiasm. I have many friends who walk around bankrupt. Empty. Daily. Fighting to keep hope alive in young hearts and minds that would rather retire and die. Or run off to another country for (seemingly) 'greener pastures'.

It makes me sad, because I remember their determination while we studied at university. I remember the light and fire in their eyes ... It is a tragedy to watch creativity and ingenuity get smothered by the recurring hardships of life, especially because those now dying struggled so hard to keep these flames of passion lit while attending university. For many of my friends, life has been a series of battles to keep hope alive.

What kind of country does that to its youth? What kind of country kills creativity and somehow transforms hard-earned success (like graduating from university) into a negative, burdensome experience? A member of our government recently made a statement to the effect that university graduates who cannot find jobs or afford to repay students' loans are in that predicament because they chose the wrong professions. Isn't that an irresponsible and careless thing to say? A statement indicative of a government becoming unpalatably abusive and insensitive to its people?

One of my friends pointed out that, by making such an irresponsible statement, our Government is, in essence, condemning ambition and telling young people to choose careers that guarantee them jobs (which ones are those, pray tell), instead of studying subject areas they are actually interested in.

Max Lucado said that ambition is that grit in the soul which creates disenchantment with the ordinary and puts the dare in dreams. I have long been disenchanted with things ordinary and substandard. And I walk among like-minded friends. We are not satisfied with average. God knows we love Jamaica, but it can get rough. It can be really hard to have a dream in a dreamless state.

Today, I use this blog post to recognise my friends all over Jamaica who dream big, and do not let the pressures of everyday life kill their passions and desires. I recognise the quiet strength it takes for them to choose energetic, active living over merely existing each day. And I respect that. Even if our government doesn't. I do. And I hope that makes a difference and counts for something ...