Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Enough With the Hurricanes!!!

As if I don't have enough personal hurricanes?
As if I don't have ENOUGH on my plate without having to worry about securing myself and this house against no damn hurricane...?? And flooding! And leaky rooves! And no electricity! And no pipe water... and whatever other calamity hurricanes usually carry??

Gustav, do yourself a favour and stay away from Jamaica, cause now is NOT the time for you to come messing with me... right now I could slay a dragon with my bare hands... yeah, I'm in THAT sort of a mood...

PS I wish this country was movable! Like around now, Jamaica could move to somewhere else out of the hurricane path, and then come back when the hurricane season is done! And don't be telling me no rubbish bout I could move, cause my house would still get demolished, and then what would I come back to?!!

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Randomosity: Heard In A Shop

There I was, sitting in this little Chinese restaurant in Half-Way Tree square, waiting for my chicken chop suey to go. In walked two girls, call them Patrons 1 and 2.

Patron 1 was wearing a blue jeans Bahamas shorts, and a yellow and white polka dot baby doll blouse, accompanied by big, gaudy, yellow and white plastic bangles, huge yellow plastic hoop earrings, yellow ballet shoes, long false lashes, curly hair extensions, and a big, bright yellow bag (girl was brighter than the sun, I tell yah!). She had a barrage of tattoos up and down her bare arms, on her back, and on her legs. She came in, sat down, and immediately put her head in her lap.

Her friend, Patron 2, came in after her, wearing a much more subdued baby doll dress with brown ballet shoes. She sat, gave everyone the cursory glance, and immediately started louding up Patron 1.

Enter Patron 3, chatting loudly on her cell phone: Am I disturbing something? (Pause). How you say you working today? You don't sound like you're at work... (Pause. Hisses teeth loudly). No, I'm jus askin because... (Her face clouds over). You nuh sound like you deh a work...

Things I learned in a shop today:
1. When you call a man and he says he is at work, and he doesn't sound like it, don't believe him. In fact, it's perfectly acceptable to complain about it when you get off the phone, so a whole shop of people waiting for their lunches can hear and sympathise bout what a cheating, lying bastard he is, and how long you've CHOSEN to put up with his cheating, lying ways.

2. If you ever feel really sick, go out with a friend who will offer you some kind of non-humiliating support, instead of making the whole world know you got knocked up and now having, not just morning, but day-to-day sickness, and causing her a whole lot of grief and trouble. No, scratch that. The lesson is: DON'T get knocked up.

Finally my ticket number got called, I collected my lunch and walked out of the restaurant into the hot sun to make my way back to work. I passed trucks full of pieces of board from illegal stalls that some policemen were pulling apart. I wonder if TVJ was anywhere nearby. You think I might see myself on 7 o'clock news?

Monday, August 25, 2008

We're finally becoming friends.

Before yesterday, I had nothing but bouts of anger, fits of rage and wild tantrums whenever I was in your presence... We've been fighting for so long, I didn't even think this was possible, but we're finally becoming friends!!

The problem was that I was always having "accidents" whenever I was near you, and I figured you were jinxed!! Either that, or you were deliberately setting traps for me, making sure that I had nothing but pain and trouble around you...

See all the scars I have from fights with you and your friends? You know how much crockery you've caused me to break in sheer anger, or because I was too flustered and upset, or just plain frustrated and all out of ideas... It was like you were constantly trying to burn me, to make sure that your jumpy hot oil of problems was always searing me... but now... finally, we're becoming friends!

Yesterday was our last fight, because yesterday, I finally won. Hear that? I won!! And it's funny. When you realised that nothing you did could spoil my good mood, you had the good sense to call a truce...

So I agreed to stop banging stuff around and cussing like a sailor when I was around you. I decided to be nice to your croonies for a change, talk to them with respect, you know, be nice. I agreed to be more open-minded and promised to stop scandalising and sullying your character. In turn, you would be civil to me, and even help me out a bit here and there.

So yesterday, because of this truce, I was able to cook a sumptuous meal without one single curse word or any cuts or nicks or burns... I treated the kitchen and all its utensils with respect: I never cursed, I never got upset, I didn't break anything, I didn't yell... nothing. I was nice to the kitchen, and for a change, that be-atch was nice to me: allowed me to cook my merry way through a three course meal that my auntie (my only audience) thoroughly enjoyed. What did I cook? I won't even bother to tell you, cause I can hear you saying, 'that was all?' and trumping my little spirit... But I think me and the kitchen will live on good terms from now on: we're finally becoming friends...

Friday, August 22, 2008

I Fell In Love With The Olympics

I'll be sad when the Olympics is over, because I for one, am in love with the Games. Or maybe not so much with the Games, as the feelings the Games unlodges inside me, the wide range of rollercoaster emotions it took me through... I'm crazy in love with it, and not falling out anytime soon.

I wish I could live my life like that: going from one Olympics feel-good moment to the next. Yeah, I'm a punk-ette like that (punking out on real life... lol).

The Olympics are the Greatest Games On Earth for a reason... had me crying and motivated and then demotivated (looking at all the guys with their chiselled bodies, and all those girls just carved to a T), and then right back up there again...

I watched a woman win pole vault and keep jumping till she broke her own record because she could and she wanted to...

I watched a Jamaican man-boy become a man right before the world's eyes and watched the world turn into sour grapes gringos about it (Usain to the weerl, taking no prisoners, lol!)

I watched another Jamaican superstar, and a whole team of Jamaican and American relay super-star-ettes get humbled on international cameras and walk off that track like they were still people of colour on a mission...

I watched China get away with "bloody murder" and allegedly underaged athletes... (lol)

And I felt it deeply as once-great heroes fell before my eyes (Ato, you are dead to me), and others took their place (Usain, you are now my heartbeat, lol)

I watched all of this, in the space of nine days, and I'm left breathless and tired and emotionally drained and yet somehow pumped... even though I wasn't there.

I'm now filing the Olympics into that special place where I file all magical or magical-like moments in my life. I now look at it with reverence and deep, solemn respect. I now look forward to the Olympics as another great moment for me (even though Lord knows I ain't no athlete) because the emotional scope it offers is just any sap's dream. And that is exactly what I am: a big ole sap.

I cry for everything. So you know I cried when innocent-looking, fresh, young, first-timer Shelly-Ann Fraser took gold in the women's 100, right? And you know I cried when Sherone and Kerron missed that baton pass and rendered Jamaica gold-less in the 4x100 too? Bawled like a big ole baby, like it was me out there feeling the pressure of an entire nation and breaking...

Yep. I fell in love with Usain and Asafa (well, Asafa was always my baby, and I mean that in the most non-corny way possible, lol). And I fell in love with Veronica and Sherone (no I'm not gay) and Maurice and Chelsea. I fell in love with some Kenyan and Spanish and Russian and Belarusian dudes and chicks I dont even know the names of, and other people from countries whose names I can't even pronounce, and had never heard of before the Olympics and will probably never remember til the next one... They set my heart racing and then slowed it down and then speeded it back up again. For a week and bits, they had me eating out of the palms of their hands, drinking in their every moves... yeah, I fell in crazy, sweet love with the Olympics.

Now I HAVE to be at the next Games. And it's too late to tell me about money for plane fares and lodgings and food and expensive tickets and all that. It's already in my 4-year plan. I have to go see that for myself: up close, cause I need to get drunk like that again, on pure life and adrenaline and sweet non-drug-induced, oxygenic euphoria.

It's the natural high, baby. It's beautiful.

And I'm an unredeemable addict.

Bittersweet 4x100m...

Jamaica's finale in the Olympics 4x100 relay is a poignant lesson in the magnificent scope of the greatest, most anticipated Games on earth. The Olympics are about more than a spate of concurrent victories, more than mellifluous, perpetual praises: So easily we forget that for every handful of athletes who experience sweet victory, there are many, many more who have to learn the hard and gruelling lesson of disappointing defeat.

Much love and respect Jamaica's women's 4x100 relay team, who disqualified in the finals of the 4x1. We love you still.

Hats off to our boys who finished their relay in world record time...
You all did us proud.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Veronica To The Flippin' Weeerl (& Other Olympics Musings)

Too many things to talk about today:
First, big ups to the 2-time Olympics 200m gold medallist: Veronica Campbell-Brown. She never disappoints, and while she not into showBOLTing (lol, ma friend came up with that one, hadta use it), we still love her: nuff nuff nuff respect!! And congrats Kerron Stewart, you get silver and bronze in your first Olympics meet... girl yuh laaahge!!

Next, today is Usain Bolt's birthday. Happy 22nd. Read the tribute here.

On to relays: what is going down with the great US of A?? How them manage to lose the batons in both 4x1 races?? I was actually disappointed cause I wanted the finals to be the battle of the bests. Was it a case of too much pressure/too much effort, or was it just nerves? Or lack of practise? One'a my friends say is the goozum* that they trying to work on we backfire on them, LMAO. (*Goozum - Jamaican word for obeah, witchcraft). Ah well, such is life and life is such, and when Jamaica gets the gold, I sure as hell won't cry for America. But still, it look like somebody work summ'n on America, cause they just keep messing up...

And finally, one of my friends did a post on the sense of unity that has been sweeping over Jamaica since the Olympics (quote from his blog here):
what irks me is this false sense of unity, which has arisen as if the political and class divisions that separate us won't return when the Olympic Games are over.
Of course, I sent him a scathing response, cause I thought what he was saying was just cynical, pessimistic bull. But when you really think about it, after the Olympics, then what? We go back to killing each other every day like is a national hobby? The Olympics have inspired literal, tangible and visible lightness in this country's atmosphere. The sky seems clearer and twice as blue, birds' songs carry an intensified chiro of joy, bright smiles meet you everywhere you go... random strangers grinning off them 42 with each other like them is long-time friends. The entire nation is eclipsed in a happy, surreal euphoria: a heady, intoxicating joy/hope has washed over Jamaicans. Such a heavenly feeling caused by just five Olympic golds in three days... Like GC said, now if only somebody could do something about the crime...

Something Special About Usain Bolt

Dedicat to the Fastest Man on Earth, on his Birthday:
It's more than the lightning speed laced up in those spikes, more than the lizard-like lip-licking tongue movements; it's not the relaxed, at-home look on the track... there's something special about Usain Bolt...

Many reporters have captured the aura around this phenomenal youth, but still fail to explain that mysterious X factor. Is it the glimmer in his eyes? The way he smiles *swoon*? The almost-proud swagger that punctuates his walk, and declares his presence? Or is it the romanticised story of a man-boy overachiever, humanity's affinity with fairy-tales and lightning-quick happy endings?

In all his hype, there's something almost child-like in the way he delivers himself up to the people, something refreshing in the carefree way he owns up to being young and Jamaican, the way he can pop a 'nuh-linga' on international cameras, and laugh at a stunned and speechless world (like he can't see what all the fuss is about)...

It endears him to friends, frightens competitors, and constantly leaves the world's jaws dropped in utter amazement... What is it? I don't know, but there's something special about Usain Bolt.

Happy 22nd Birthday, Usain. You have given Jamaica soo much to be proud of. You are already a national hero in my books...

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Double Goooold!!

Usain Bolt: Fine style & world record time: 19.30seconds!

Melaine Walker 'jumped' in: 400mh Olympic record 52.64s!!

And back at home, the celebration:
1. Half Way Tree Road was jammed with human traffic!!

2. Jamaican flags were selling like hot bread!!

3. Even the police forgot to do their job...

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Usain Under Attack??

Like anybody in the international spotlight, Usain Bolt has been coming under some serious attack for (of all things) his "braggadocious" attitude. Apparently, several people, including big-timers like Mike Costas and Ato Boldon, are hating on the Jamaican (dare I say it?) *super*star* for celebrating his Olympic success in fine style.

People like this guy are saying that Bolt should tone down his attitude and be "more respectful" to the 100m race (since when are athletes required to be 'respectful' to a frickin race? And how was Bolt disrespectful? Was it the gall he had to actually win a major race when he is only from a small Caribbean island? Was it the precocity, nay, effrontery and audacity he showed in already being an athletic force to reckon with at a mere 21? Tell me, where was the disrespect??) They even assume that he deliberately ran a "slow" record time for the million dollars he will get next time he breaks it (I say that's smart money management, lol, and 100m in 9.69s ain't slow baby!)

Still others, like this little fella, think that Bolt needs to develop a modest personality... (Where was this when all them other athletes were showing off for years and years?) He says Bolt was 'indulgent and over the top' (so what? I'd indulge myself a little, nay, a lot, if I did what he did). The article's last-line:
"I was reminded of snowboarder Lindsay Jacobellis who was set for gold in the Turin Olympics. She tried to show off on a jump and crashed out of first place. I hope the laidback Jamaican looks carefully over his shoulder."

Reeks of bad-mind, nuh true? And the difference is that Usain done win the gold already and them can't take it back from him (not unless them want start World War 3 up in ere)!!

Some people have gone so far as to accuse Usain of using performance enhancing substances. On that point, I say we are guilty as charged, but here are the performance enhancing substances our athletes use:

Yeah. Take a good look... nothing but some solid ground food and some all-natural juices!! Our athletes- and any Caribbean athlete for that matter- train for long hours and work very hard. When they finally achieve, I say if they want to strip themselves naked and run around that stadium, they deserve to!! All them haters can get upset if they want to: that in no way negates the fact that USAIN BOLT WON THAT MEDAL AND BROKE THAT RECORD! So tuff! We don't really care what they want to say. Our country just produces great sprint runners... no ands, ifs or drugs about it!!

Sunday, August 17, 2008

1,2,3 Vic-to-ry!!

So you-know-who was late for church this morning because she, uh, she, well, she took a little longer than usual to "get ready". Couldn't miss this race for anything, and it was soo worth the wait... lol. Congratulations Shelly-Ann Fraser, Kerron Stewart and Sherone Simpson: First, Second and Second (tied) in the Olympic Women's 100m Final.

With Jamaica, it's always extremes: You either love us or hate us. So right now, I figure, the world is either celebrating our Olympic success or hating our guts... whatever they choose, the fact is that they have to sit up and take notice. Our presence is just too strong. Indifference is not an option...

Saturday, August 16, 2008

Usain Lightning Bolt

Jamaica held its breath. Trinidad refused to breathe. The entire Caribbean froze in anticipation, the taste of victory thick on their tongues, a sweet scent wafting up in their nostrils. The second before the gun, the world was absolutely still. Even the birds refused to sing. Something great was about to happen. No-one made a sound. Then the gun, and they were off.

It only took 9.69 seconds for the world to find its voice again. Like Lightning, Usain Bolt struck and unsettled China's Bird's Nest, defying history's boundaries and shattering international, regional and national records, and giving Jamaica another reason to smile.

Words cannot describe the euphoria emanating from Beijing, China, since Usain ‘Lightning’ Bolt secured his place in history- at a delicate 21- as the first Jamaican to win the Olympic 100m gold, and the world’s fastest man. Caribbean sunshine flooded China’s Bird’s Nest when Trinidad’s Tyrone Thompson stood his own ground and took silver in the event, with Jamaica’s Asafa Powell and Michael Frater copping fifth and sixth places respectively, and Churandy Martina, from the Netherland Antilles, coming a close fourth. The dense smog must have lifted by at least a couple of inches, allowing a little bit of Caribbean light, laughter and even tears into the eyes and hearts of the spectators who witnessed this phenomenal, unmatchable moment in time.

In just under 10 short seconds, an unprecedented 6 Caribbean men participated in an Olympic 100m final. Carnival could never rival the effects of all 6 Caribbean nations caught up in celebration at once. Pot covers came out, whistles were exhausted, voices grew hoarse from strained overuse. The region climaxed in the ecstasy of its grandest accomplishment yet – proving that the Caribbean is indeed the world’s sprint capital, and that Jamaicans are a ‘little but tallawah’ people.

Primary School Flashback

Grade Three - You've heard me say I've always been the bright kid/teacher's pet/everybody's sweetheart, right? Well, this is a good example of both. In primary school, Teacher's pets get to pick out 'talkers' (i.e. make a list of the disruptive kids who move from their seats and talk loudly when the teacher is out of the classroom... basically be the informer/snitch/classmates worst nightmare, lol). I'm not too proud of it, but I was this (reprehensible) person. This one time, Teacher goes to staff meeting and, as usual, I get to pick out the 'talkers' while she's away. Weeelll, I finish my math work first (I usually do, cuz maybe I was reprehensible and what-not, but I was a li'l sparkie... just saying). So I allow some of the slower kids to copy the answers from my book. Teach comes back and catches them, starts chiding them, tells me to come get my book from them. I go over, pretend to be shocked and upset, take my book back and give it to the teacher for marking. After Teach leaves, I go back to the same kids and apologise. My little conscience was heavy that day, boy!! They didn't like me too much for a while after that either, but they eventually got over it (there are only so many kids in a class that will allow you to copy from their book)... I was a little punkette for doin' them like that, I know. But hey, I was 7! I'm groomed on congratulations, remember? Besmirching my spotless rep with Teach versus temporary hatred from classmates - that wasn't too tough a decision yo!

Grade Four: I remember the teacher beating (yes beating) another student I was sitting next to with a strap. When she moved her hand backward with the strap, it flashed across my face by mistake. Straight across my face: over my nose, under an eye, cross the mouth... the works. A nasty weal developed. Daddy showed up in school the next day (put work and alla that on hold) to find out how Teach made that error, and make sure she knew to be very-extra-uber-careful next time... (bap-bap!). Teach was extra-nice to me for the rest of that day, and maybe I used that to push the envelope a little. I was 8, and again, a little punkette, but obviously, I got it from my Daddy! *PoPs cOllAr*

Friday, August 15, 2008

I'm Seeing Things

Little particles of light flitting before my eyes and on walls and on computer screens and books and just everywhere. And I don't mean the kind of imprints you see when you look into bright light for too long and then look into a dark area or vice versa. I see these little shiny specks just poppin' up out of anywhere at any hour of the day in any light all over the place.
I've never tried to touch one (can't give anybody a reason to call me crazy), and I don't know if I'm the only one seeing them (I strongly suspect so, because this chick at work the other day just walked right through a coupl'a them, and never even flinched).

I used to see this kinda thing when I was younger - everywhere, but they went away. Now they're back again, and I'm wondering what they really are. What causes your eye/mind to suddenly play tricks like that... I'm not crazy, and I'm not sick either. I'm just seeing things that nobody else does... whatever that makes me, I'm not crazy!

Can You Read?

If so, take a minute, pause, and whisper a tenkie Jesus.

She stayed on my mind all day... I was sitting at E-Park typing this post when she came up, asked if it was alright to sit beside me. Started talking. Said she hardly visited the park. Never had the time-what was the time? I told her some minutes after 7. Started exclaiming over the million and one things she had to do. Then she noticed my laptop.

Old Woman: Ahm, I can ask you a question? *Rb nods* What is that?
Rb: A computer.
Old Woman: So you can use it to talk too?
Rb: No
OW: Oh, so you using it to do school work and them kinda things there?
Rb: I not doing school work right now.
OW: *moves closer* Me a disturb you? *Rb shakes head, continues typing* So like somebody who can't read, them can use that?
Rb: No. If you can't read you can't use a computer.
OW: Oh. So like somebody that can help themself...
Rb: If you can make out some words then you can work your way through, but if you can't read at all then you can't use a computer.
OW: *stands and starts rummaging through her bag* Sometimes is not their fault you know Miss... *Rb looks up... what?* Sometimes them parents split up and them just can't read miss. *Rb nods.* Like this girl mi friend tell me bout miss. She was eight you know miss (How weird is it to have an old woman calling me miss?). And her father chop off her mother head... and she see it. She inna the children's home for 8 years. So that mean seh she a what?
Rb: 16
OW: Is 16? 8 and 8 a wat? 16, right. Is not her fault you know miss. Sometimes annuh fi them fault that them can't read...

Then she picked up her bags and walked away.

Thursday, August 14, 2008


It's too easy to fall
Into a feeling you fight to forget
Dude has that effect
Discovered my secret, untouched parts
Left fingerprints on my heart...

This by far
the most explosive year
of my short life
pity the poor sap
who's there
to share
when the fuse disappears...

Realising this nasty habit
of denying things
til the very last minute
then it's like freeze-frame
a fifty-second flashback
regret and shame
and little pieces adding up...

I'm not an actress
it's hard to tell lies
can't play mind games
or do deception/disguise
truth is like a haunting wind
constantly whistling in my ears
resonating in corridors of time
palpitating with heart and mind...

Even when little white lies would make my life easier
i still tell the truth...

How do you let love down?

How do you look into the eyes of the people
who support
and believe
and say you've failed?

The anguish
of looking into loving eyes
and reading disappointment...

How do you let love down?

I’m not blessed with the luxury of care-freedom
try as i might
i can't pull that off
i care
i really do
groomed on compliments and congratulations
i've been the star in their crown
was supposed to continue that show…

For things to fall apart now is killing me
Who am I if not who they expect me to be?

How do you let love down?

Wednesday, August 13, 2008


To the Chupid Bus-Driver who cut before my bus-driver and nearly kill off a bus-full of people (including me) yesterday: What the frick you think this is? Dover raceway? Where you get your damned driver's license? And what the hell you think you doing cutting in front a driver going full speed on a two lane traffic-jammed road - just to get to a damned bus-stop for two little passengers? You damn lucky our bus-driver can actually drive, or else you would have bout sixty murder charges on your head now. And you lucky the man that stop our bus and got out to confront you bout your nasty driving never have a gun on him. Him woulda blow your brains to Timbuktu. Is people like you give Jamaica bad name, driving on the road like you get your license underwater! You don't know you can't overtake on main road that ram with traffic? And then for you to look at the bus fulla frighten passengers that just see them life flash before them and laugh? You shudda open your bus door when the angry man come knock it and tell yuh to come outta the b@*b$cl&^t bus to make him and you work it out. Yuh shudda open the bus door and come out mek him get to buss yuh a$$. Eediat!!

To the University Administrator who neglected to update their website: Now you just really need a lick inna yuh head!! You know how much trouble you cause me? I was there believing I had to pay $43,000 plus miscellaneous. Had the money put down too. Now I hearing that things change and I have to pay $150 something-thousand!! You know how much trouble you cause me????? You know the hell me going through now to find that mega-load a money that my parents don't have hiding somewhere cause them not rich people? How you must not update something as crucial as the raises in fees?? Especially by THAT MUCH? Hm? You think money grow on trees round here? You think we have money fallin from sky like rain? Hm? You mek I ever catch you... I beat that 150 gran outta you...

To the guy at work who claims to have this unhelpable attraction to me: Help it!! Because you don't stand a chance in hell and you're getting on my laaast nerve! You make me want to throw my cell phone through the window under a speeding car, disguise myself and go into hiding. For the record, when a girl say she not interested the first coupla times, is not a test to see if you persevere and eventually get the prize - is not some covert invitation to pursue her to the ends of the earth. It should never be a turn-on. Take it that she mean exactly what she say: SHE NOT INTERESTED!!

And furthermore, is just plain chupid and ridiculous to ask a girl you just meet and barely know if you can be her boyfriend - just outta the blue so?? If it was a joke, it would prob'ly pass for a half-compliment, but for you to look her dead in the eyes and be serious... and she don't know you from Eden, and you don't know anything bout her? You MUST be kidding!! The law is that you try to get to know the girl first, then, when you build some sorta attraction, you try a move...

And one more thing, you can't just up and start pursuing a girl without finding out first if she don't have a man! This is Jamaica! You ever hear bout cutlass and bottle torch?? Man will black your eye for them woman... so nex time you feel 'unhelpable attraction' do yourself a favour and check if the chick single FIRST!!

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Tagged 1: Self-Search on Google

1: Type in "[your name] needs" in the Google search:
So I typed in 'Ruth wants' and saw this: my husband wants to see me kiss another female? Then I typed 'Ruthie wants' and apparently I want one more year (can you say amen?). Then I realised that the question really was ‘Ruthie needs’ so I typed that in, and well, Ruthie Needs Money!! How true is that?? LOL

2: Type in "[your name] looks like" in Google search:
Ruth looks like Baby Spice?? What? First off, she’s white, and I’m as black as midnight (and twice as dark!) And my hair is baby-fro-fabulous. Hers is a little less, ummm, negroid, you read me? No resemblance there.

3: Type in "[your name] does" in Google search:
Ruth does: sexual health?? What’s going on with Google? So I didn’t like that answer and checked the ones below. Apparently I also do women’s bible commentary, and a strawberry dance… hmmmph!

4: Type in "[your name] hates" in Google search:
Ruth hates Lenan-lee from D. Gray-Man (what’s that?) and studying (actually not true, looove studying. Weird, I know)

5: Type in "[your name] goes" or "has gone" in Google search:
Ruth goes with Naomi. LOL!!! Hilarious, especially since I live with a 74 year old aunt! Who I fondly refer to as my Naomi (I know I’ve never mentioned her before, but tuff, so I don’t air all my laundry and spill all my biz on blogger... suck it up!!)

6: Type in "[your name] loves" in Google search:
Ruth loves “it”. LMAO. Let’s leave that one alone!

7: Type in "[your name] eats" in Google search:
Ruth eats “it” using her paw!! I swear I’m not making this up… Google is on something today!

8: Type in "[your name] has" in Google search:
Ruth has the right attitude… Ok now we’re talking! I was getting a lil worried a while back thurrr..

9: Type in "[your name] died" in Google search:
Ruth died *whispers* of rare cancer... here comes the eerie music… don’t look at me like that nig, it’s Babe Ruth they’re talkin bout, not me…

10: Type in "[your name] won't" in Google Search:
Ruth won't apologise… haaaaaaaah! Someone got that line from me not two seconds ago!! LOL

11: Type in "[your name] can't" in Google Search
Ruth 'can't sell it – I’ll sit on it'. Whut? Can you say freeeeakeeeey??

12: Type in "[your name] didn’t" in Google Search
Ruth didn’t have rare cancer! Ha! I told you! (Hey, maybe neither did Babe Ruth?)

Gotta admit this was fun! Now you try it…

Sunday, August 10, 2008

Movie Quotes

Ten of my favourite movie catch-phrases. Guess what movie they're from:
1. The precioussss... they sstole it from usss (I know, too easy!)
2. This. Is. SPARTAAA!! (Also veery easy. Hint: Lotsa hot brothas without shirts... *swoon*)
3. That's Beautiful with 2 'L's...
4. Guy: Kiss mi arse!
Gal: Kiss mine! In English!!
5. There has to be a mathematical explanation for how bad that tie is. (Talk about an intelligent diss!)
6. My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius, commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions, loyal servant to the true emperor, Marcus Aurelius. Father to a murdered son, husband to a murdered wife. And (the catch-phrase is): I will have my vengeance, in this life or the next. (Luh-huh-huuuv this!)
8. May the Force be with you! (Never actually watched the movie, but still... use the phrase)
9. Looks like I chose the wrong day to quit snorting hash... (Hint: movie starred the last two black actors (M&F) to win BIG Oscar awards...)
10.Darling, nothing is final 'til you're dead, and even then, I'm sure God negotiates. (This is reeely old, guys. Was an oldie romantic comedy with Drew Barrymore)

Brawta (Jamaican word for 'a little extra'):
Guy: What do women want?
Gal: We have no idea what we want.
Guy: I knew it!! (Laughed sooo hard! But, ladies, that's not true... *blink-blink* really, it's not... we know what we want, right?)

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Movie Buzz

I admit, I stole this from Infinite Ink's blog, but it looks so good, I decided I have to talk about it too. Tyler Perry's new movie, The Family That Preys, definitely looks like a winner. I know I'll be going to watch it as soon as it reaches Jamaica, (pre-pre DVD or big screen, whichever comes first). As in, I saw the preview, and now I'm itching to see the movie. See for yourself:

And I wanna see Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants 2 too! I'm a sucker for chick flicks and romantic comedies, and the prequel was koolio, so this one definitely got me: