Wednesday, February 24, 2010


What do you do when you stare death in the face?? Squarely in the eyes?? When there's nowhere to look but at that ugly brute beast? There - standing right there - forcing you to reconcile truths your mind would rather reject?

What do you do?

My grandmother died this morning. In her sleep. She was my mother's mother. She was, therefore I am. And now that she has gone, a piece of me goes with her. A piece of me. And a piece of my mother.

What do you do with that knowledge? WHat do I do with these seconds of slow realisation that I will never, ever see her again? Never hear that laugh again? Never see that smile again? Never learn anything more about that life from the one who lived it? Because it is over. That chapter is over. That book is permanently closed.

And here I am. Wondering. Waiting.

Waiting to inhale and let the truth in. Waiting to exhale and let the sadness out.

Here I am, waiting to feel something in a heart that suddenly refuses to feel.



GirlBlue said...

So sorry to hear about your grandmother. My condolences to you and your family during this time

Rockaway Girl said...

Ruthie, so very sorry to hear about the death of your grandmother.Nothing I say will lessened the pain, but just remember to breathe during your grief and keep her close to your heart with the memories you shared.

Tania said...

My condolences and as Rockaway said, nothing said will help make it easier to handle. Just let yourself go through each emotion and reach for those who will give you strength when you need it.

Morpheus Rablings said...

My condolences, she has gone to a better place.

For certain is death for the born
And certain is birth for the dead;
Therefore over the inevitable
Thou shouldst not grieve.
Bhagavad Gita

Ruthibelle said...

Thanks for the kind words. Appreciated.

Tonya said...

My condolences. I'm sorry to hear about your grandmother. My prayers are with you and you family.


Sincere condolences.

Abeni said...

Sorry. Know the feeling too well. When my grandmother died I refused to believe it until it was forcibly driven home to me. It still hurts but you go on because you just have to

Jdid said...

my condolences