Can you imagine my shock and consternation when I realised that she was talking about me?? She was talking about me!! I was the snob! I'm the snob in the story... I nearly choked on my mango seed. My eyes must have been as huge as june plums... I was so shocked.
"You mean you think I'm a little rich snob??" I asked.
She nodded. "Yes. You talk like you don't understand what hard life feel like."
I was taken aback. She was saying this about me - me! Me- who grew up for the first five or so years of my life in a board house in a slum. Me? The little country girl with the unemployed parents?? Me? A snob?? Heaven forbid!
I stood there thinking about all of this. Then I looked at her. I had to ask again. "So you think I'm a snob?"
She nodded vigourously. Yes.
I sighed and nodded in resignation. "Then I guess I am a snob." And I left.
And I'm sure you're wondering why I just accepted it like that. Well, to tell you the truth. For someone who's come from dirt-poor days to a relatively clean and smooth life... I guess maybe I AM a snob. I MUST be a snob, because since I've come back home, I've gotten nothing but the cold shoulder, the don't-think-you're-better-than-me scoffs, and my personal favourite, the laughter for no reason just to let me know that they notice me but they find me laughable... not nice. Not nice at all.
Just recently I was sitting in a bus and the lady behind me burst out in laughter, then gave out loudly: "Not because dem go college!! Dem nuh better than me!!" And the whole bus looked at me. And, surprisingly enough, I felt ashamed. Like I'd done something wrong. Ashamed of what though? Ashamed of the disconnect and borderline rejection I've felt since I've been here. Not from my family. I mean, things are different there too,but I still get the feeling that at least they love me. In their own irritating and annoying ways. But the rest?? Did I do something wrong?? Maybe I was away for too long. Or... maybe I'm behaving like a snob. Or else why would people suddenly decide to treat me this way?
It's not fair. I want to be petty and behave like an immature little girl. Sometimes I honestly want to cry. But I always remember that there's another day and another sun and that, most importantly, I haven't done anything wrong!! All I did was go to university and live in Kingston for 4 years. And if that makes me a snob... then so be it.