The heat is on!

When I was in Mexico experiencing teeth-chattering cold, I made a vow never to complain about the heat in Jamaica again.

Know what? This heat deserves a complaint. It's so hot in the nights! Hot days don't bother me. The sun  comes out and does its thing in the days. That's expected. What I do not expect is for the nights to be so humid and miserable.

It's not cool at all. Pun intended. I'm downing glasses of water like a camel in the Sahara. I might soon be sleeping on a bed of ice. And these headaches. This pounding in the side of my head .... a result of the heat, I'm told. Not cool either.

One day, I'll be so well-monied and travelled that I will spend my summers in cooler climates and winters in warm places. This heat is motivation to work toward that dream with renewed urgency. I am NOT about this hellish nightmarish heat.

I always tell people I prefer to be too cold than too hot. In cold, you can always add another layer to get warm, but when it's unbearably hot, the only thing left to take off is your skin! It's truly miserable.

Anyway, I'm not complaining. Not really. Just a candid observation of sorts. :)

Bring back the Byrne!!

Jason Byrne, of the BBC's Radio 2's
The Jason Byrne Show.

I'm a sucker for BBC programmes (Jamaicans, I mean the internationally known TV/RADIO station/news service, not the cloth!). It could very well be a cultivated bias (because I've become a kind of BBC buff, with a marked interest in all things BBC). Or it could be that the quality of their programmes appeals to me like no other broadcasting group's programmes have. Whatever the reason. Here I am. The BBC buff.

I especially love their iPlayer service because it affords me the luxury of listening to pre-recorded programmes at my leisure. So, for example, I can catch up on programmes from Radio 4 and 2 that I wouldn't otherwise hear (because those stations are not available in Jamaica). And that's exactly what I do. I listen to either the World Service live (I love World Have Your Say and the News Hour), or something on the iPlayer.

I'm particularly in love with their comedy offerings. I think they're fantastic! The wit. Puns. Clever riddles and literary wheeling and dealing ... I love it! My favourite type of comedy has to be sketch. It requires the kind of on-the-spot, quick thinking that leaves my adrenaline peaked, pulse racing and general respiratory cavity breathless from chronic laughter. I love The News Quiz, I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue, Just A Minute, The Unbelievable Truth, Saturday Stand-Up ... but most of all, I absolutely adore this Irish sketch comedian called Jason Byrne! He's dynamite! And hilarious. The wit. The jokes. The Irish accent ...  *swoons*. You get the picture.

He's become a big (read really important) part of my weekly BBC diet, much like a glance at the BBC's news home page has become a seriously indispensible part of my daily routine.

Imagine my surprise when I couldn't find his programme on my iPlayer anymore. I felt crushed. Deserted. A little lost. A lot upset. And empty (how's that for dramatic, lol). How could the BBC - my one true love - have jilted me in this way? I wasn't even this upset when they ended the Caribbean service and dashed to pieces every bit of hope I'd had of one day working there. No. That hurt. But not as much as this kidnapping of my weekly bit of Irish heaven. I was incensed! Still am.

I've gone a week without him and I don't think I can last. Nothing is the same. The BBC has GOT to listen to me on this one. Lives are stake here, so bring back the Byrne!!! I must find him on my iPlayer tomorrow, or else ...

PS In case you're wondering, I didn't find him on my player the next day. Still haven't. And, yes, sadly, I'm surviving. But how happy I'd be if they'd oblige me and bring my Byrne back!

It's the UN International Year of Youth ... Just NOT In Jamaica!

Yep. You heard right. Can you imagine? August 2010-2011 has been declared the second United Nations International Year of Youth, and Jamaica has rolled out NO programmes (that I know of, and I think if there was something, I would know) so far in recognition of this fact. Not even a little essay competition. Or something so. Nutting. Nada. Zilch. Makes you wonder if Ministry of Youth even knows what year it is.

I don't think Jamaican youth are lazy. Jamaican people, on a whole, are not lazy or aggressive or violent by nature. But I think it was Buju who sang, "Ciiircumstances maaade me what I am." Especially when those circumstances include short-sighted leadership that spends so much time chupsing sports stars, they don't have time to cast a glance at miniscule issues like youth empowerment, and ensuring that a year designated for dialogue and mutual understanding between youth and their counterparts actually gets any recognition ... Is chicken feed ting dat, right? Better to buss we head over where the grass at Trelawny MultiPurpose Stadium went.

What's more? This year has also been declared the Year of the People of African Descent. That's me and my AfroCaribbean neighbours. That's me and my ethnic brothers and sisters all over this world ... that's more than 80% of Jamaica!! But have we heard a peep about it? No maasah! We too busy having dramatic, Days-of-our-lives type enquiries to stop for a minute and realise that this year, more than any other year to date, is all about us. It's about the African people. It's about youth. Two key factors - a bandwagon I wouldn't mind the government getting on (since they seem prone to wagonist thinking).

I going stop talk now though. I feel a tad bit upset and sleepy. And when I feel that way, my posting can get erratic and uncharismatically blunt. So let me stop now before I say something ... wrong. But don't blame me for being upset. I sing with Buju (and no, I not trying to give him a forward or a buss or show solidarity or nothing so, the song just happen to fit with the post) ...

"Circumstances made me what I am 
Was I born a violent man? 
Circumstances made me what I am 
Everyone should understand

 

Circumstances made me what I am 
Was I born a violent man? 
Circumstances made me what I am
 Everyone should know ...

If we don't give our youth the opportunities they need now, if we refuse to take advantage of important milestones like these, then the youth will find other ways to express themselves ... 

Boycott Jamaica?

There is a growing wholesale attempt to sink my beloved Jamaica! The boycott-Jamaica website is the latest.

I've heard of boycotts of certain events where anti-gay music is played, and of performers who support and promote violence against lesbians, gays, bisexuals and transsexuals (LGBTs)... but the whole country?? Wow.

I guess I should hurry up and get my migrate on like my friend Destiny. Cause I certainly won't relish being part of the innocent many that are made to suffer for the guilty few. Or the innocent few that are made to suffer for the guilty many. Why are the innocent always the unwilling sacrificial lambs?

No to Red Stripe & Myers Beer & Blue Mountain Coffee & Jamaica as a tourist destination?

It's happened so many times before in history: we don't like your look, so we're just going to make all your people suffer till you do what WE want you to do... diplomatic bullying! I mean, hey, it's cheaper to go wholesale and just label the whole island. Because they're all LGBT haters. And they all deserve to die! They're anti-us. So let's be anti-them. That's a perfectly reasonable approach, right?? Right? Let's make Jamaica the next Cuba! Or Iraq! Or holocausted Jews!

Too brilliant.

Slaughter leftist Jamaica in mainstream media. Declare war on Jamaica for its undemocratic stance. Land a bomb and sink the island to get rid of all the LGBT haters. No. Wait. That sounds barbaric. Can they do that? Have they done that? Are they doing that?

So if I were to think based on this premise, I'd say, let's boycott the boycott-Jamaica website. I mean, hey, we have good reason. Our welfare and the welfare of our children may very well depend on it. Cause let's face it, they're trying kill us. Let's get them first and keep the cycle going!! It's our obligation! And our right!

I hope they fly out all our LGBTs before their awesome plan sweeps our island; or else I hope they realise that they'll be making our LGBTs suffer too. Or are Jamaican LGBTs earmarked to be the martyrs of the cause (especially considering they're Jamaican and therefore highly likely to possess that genetic strand of violence and anti-LGBT-ness)?

I should stop talking before somebody calls me a paranoid conspiracy theorist and throws me into prison for being subversive...

PS I will never support violence against LGBTs, or anyone else, for that matter. I believe in respect and equal rights for all. I just don't agree with 'punishing' Jamaica into a response. I'd gladly support an education and awareness campaign/website any day. In fact, I suggest more energy be channeled in that direction, instead of this anti-Jamaica campaign.

For more on this issue (cause balance is important) check the Axoriak, Towleroad, The Washington Blade report, The Gleaner report

Beholden-ness

I was in the bathroom washing my hands when the woman stormed in, rushed into a stall, did her business, and came back out (yes, it takes me that long to wash my hands). The whole time, she was talking on the phone in her lilting Trini accent... something about a 'he' who was taking advantage of a situation, asking for some annoying curse-word-curse-word favours. When she came to wash her hands, or rather, to let the water run full force on them for two seconds, I could hear more clearly what she was saying:

"is a damn shame when you don't have your own things to be able to do things for yourself without having to depend on anybody for anything and put up with people foolishness..."

Then she whooshed out, leaving a slowly dying breeze and a flopping curtain above the window (I lie. No flying curtains. If it was a movie, though, that would have been the mood). For all I know, she could have been a divine messenger from above with that statement. Oh how well I can relate!

Beholden-ness. That wicked noose that traps and slowly suffocates; draining the last vestiges of life from an already tired body. Beholden-ness. It sucks! Too many people in this world already think I owe them this magnanimous debt of gratitude and whatever-the-hell-else. Don't get me wrong. I'm not ungrateful. I'm just tired of compulsory gratefulness (mind you, I could be ungrateful now, but that would hurt me a whole lot more than it would hurt my not-always-so-pleasant benefactors). And alas! I know that bills and rent and providing for yourself isn't all it's cracked up to be, but neither is this wretched state of 'beholden-ness'...

So when that woman stepped into the bathroom breathing fire and brimstone for this stupid man, I could feel the defiance and indignation boiling...

Hasten the day when I achieve the honourable degree and acquire or create (whichever comes first) the ideal, prestigious, well-paying job. Then I can go live however and wherever my heart desires (or can afford to desire, lol) and assert autonomy from all undesirable external entities. And what's more? I can even become a benefactor to my benefactors for a change...

Independence calleth... *sigh* ...I hear it so clearly!

Talk With the Self

Self,
I should start on a high note and point out that I love you in word, thought, deed and truth. Can't live without you, and that's no lie. I even have friends getting jealous and malicious because I love you so much... but such is life. I love you. I can't help it. Afer all, you're you! Who wouldn't fall in love with that? =-)

I should also say that you've been making a lot of personal progress lately. Like the way you've been getting up early in the mornings and getting more things done around the house? Fabulous. And the way you're not allowing little things to bother you, and actually having entire worry-free days? Just awesome. I love it. Cause I, for one, can't stand it when you worry.

And your self-control is coming along nicely! Remember when that same gal there open her mouth to speak nonsense in class (again), and you actually kept mum this time, and kept a straight face, even though the whole class was looking expectantly at you (cause them know you love to rebut and rebuff)?? I know it was hard, but I was so proud when you did that.

Or remember that time when that lady came to Auntie J's house and decided to pretend you didn't exist?? You actually held your tongue and managed to keep a smile on! Bra-vo. I know how trying moments like that are, and I'm really glad you're learning how to handle spiteful offense. I always say, if you can't change action, change reaction. Don't kill up yourself over them things there, self. It not worth it. This self-control will come in handy when you meet all God's wonderful variety of people in the working world... you'll see...

But, seeeelf, ah muss tell yuh! There are some things about you that are getting on my nerves. Especially the things you hide so well for so long that I think they not there any more, only to see them resurface later on... self, what is up with that?

Take today, for example. How you manage to not be happily finished with that essay when you had an entire month to do it? What happened self? I thought we were on a roll with this doing all things on time thing... how come that happened?

Self, I'm so ashamed of you for that. I seriously would give you a spanking, except it would hurt me as much as it would hurt you. How dare you jeopardise my future first class honours like that?? And then to dump all this unbelievable guilt and regret for it on me- me?!! Self, how could you betray me like that??

I really thought we were over the procrastination phase. I thought we were making progress. Perhaps we are. Now ah not so sure. Self, I really can't tell you how unnerved and just plain old frustrated I am with you today. That essay was an A essay. You could have easily handed in, not just good work, but great work. Instead, you somehow managed to watch time pass till too late, and then the maddening race against the clock...

I have to admit that you stayed calm under pressure, especially when it touched 4:45 and you knew you were working against a 5 o'clock deadline... I'm glad you didn't panic and get jittery and do something stupid. But still, self, you never had to be in that situation at all!! You could have finished this thing weeks ago and had a nice, slow, peaceful day today.

So self, hear me out: I can't handle the procrastination thing again. This is not high school. You can't get way with them things like one time (okay, maybe you can, but really, is a B/B+ good enough when you could have easily gotten an A+? Mediocrity just don't make it in my books!)

Self, step it up man! Do better. Learn from your mistakes and shape the hell up. You better not let this happen again, you hear??

I done talk.

Unfunny Cartoons

These are supposed to be funny. The humour was completely lost on me... I mean, what on earth are they trying to say??

Simple Spelling, Hard Word...

Doing it::
Loving it::
They did her::
He did them::
She does everybody::

Why can't people just call sex sex?? What's so hard about saying the word?

Sex!! There, I said it... and I'm still alive...

We find every other word to candy-coat and sugar-paint that one little word: "body-talk", "having relations", "getting laid", "getting screwed", "putting it on somebody (or something, as the case may be)",the infamous "f" word, "hitting it", "coupling", "duggu-duggu", ... but we fail to say exactly what it is: sex!!

A couple had sex? They did it.
A guy had some sex? He did it too.
A girls gets a VD from sex? She caught it from doing it cause she didn't wear it...

Why is it so hard to say sex and sex-related words? What's so toxic and poisonous about them? Why is sex taboo? It's not even hard to spell. It's a three letter word, for crying out loud: S.E.X!

Don't even ask what got me started in this direction, but please people, words are simply a bunch of abstract letters strung together. They only acquire negative or positive connotations when -get this- when we add them!! So nothing's really taboo unless we want it to be...

And please please please please please note: you cannot beat your kid for saying the word SEX!!!

Where Did All The Good Cartoons Go?

::Earth! Fire! Wind! Water! Heart! Gooo planet!!
By your powers combined, I am Captain Planet!
(Sing) Captain Planet, he's the hero...
Gonna take pollution down to zero...

Whatever happened to all the good cartoons??

I mean the cartoons that were witty and interesting and funny, but still wholesome and educational. Where did all the 'smart' cartoons go??

I remember when my own disenchantment with Toon-Land began. It was the dawn of the Cow-And-Chicken era. Everybody was going crazy over Johnny Bravo and Dexter's Laboratory and Powerpuff Girls, but I was shocked and disgusted! Why would anybody ever allow such rubbish to permeate their television screens? And how could they possibly replace a brilliantly planned series like Jayce and the Wheel Warriors with something as nonsensical and trivial as Cow and Chicken?? It boggled my young mind.

Remember the original Power Rangers? Silver Hawk? Jayce & The Wheel Warriors? Zoids? Kissifur? Tale Spin? Yogi and Friends? Paw-Paw Bears? The Flintstones, the Jetsons?? Or remember the TLC/PBS-inspired educational stuff like Sesame Street (admit it, you liked Sesame Street when you were little!), Professor Iris, Bookmice, Zoobalizoo, The Puzzle Place, Reading Rainbow, Between the Lions, Magic Schoolbus and whatever great cartoons you used to watch in your time??

I remember me and my siblings fighting over who should be which planeteer in Captain Planet, using mommy's broom to imitate Thunder Cats (thunder, thunder, thunder, thunder cats!!), and using her clean sheets to pretend we had powers like the kids in Dungeons and Dragons (now there was a real cartoon!). Today? The only good stuff I see are animes and some Disney/Nick stuff.

What happened to all the good, wholesome programs? When did we move from pure, unadulterated fun to nothing but nonsense and stupidity? Is this some wholesale conspiracy to dumb down our kids??

I would never let my kid watch today's nonsense! I'd rather buy Sesame Street reruns and force-feed my kid home-made episodes of Reading Rainbow.

*SMH* I don' know when or where the decision was taken to start systematically lessening the intelligence requirements for cartoon production, but it pains my heart to see the rubbish we pass off as entertainment for kids nowadays... *sigh*

Can anybody tell me: where did all the good cartoons go??

Those "Good Old Days..."

I was reading this post by D-Empress about how sweet and simple life used to be, and how absolutely undesirably horrible things are now, when I was overtaken by a burst of righteous indignation, and in what might have been blind rage and folly, I penned this reponse:

While I understand quite clearly the essence of your article, and am even wont to agree on some of the finer points, I have to admit a weariness of "older" generations lamenting the never-ending virtues of days gone by.

As a member of this present and apparently disadvantaged generation, I feel compelled to refute the notion that humanity's best days are far behind us, long gone and never to return. I always think it is grossly unfair to my generation for older persons to describe the period in which they lived as "the best" period of life, for them to look at us with something akin scorn and disdain, or treat us like poor things.

Our lives may not be remotely similar to theirs, but make no mistake about it, we do our best with the life/time we have... Do I sound a little precocious, bitter? Maybe, but I get so annoyed when I hear anybody talking about the good old days... as far as I am concerned, my best days are NOW. It is what I have, what I can use, and I intend to enjoy it (like they did theirs) to the fullest...

*Whistles!* Quite a rant, huh?

Enough With the Hurricanes!!!

As if I don't have enough personal hurricanes?
As if I don't have ENOUGH on my plate without having to worry about securing myself and this house against no damn hurricane...?? And flooding! And leaky rooves! And no electricity! And no pipe water... and whatever other calamity hurricanes usually carry??

Gustav, do yourself a favour and stay away from Jamaica, cause now is NOT the time for you to come messing with me... right now I could slay a dragon with my bare hands... yeah, I'm in THAT sort of a mood...
BE WARNED!

PS I wish this country was movable! Like around now, Jamaica could move to somewhere else out of the hurricane path, and then come back when the hurricane season is done! And don't be telling me no rubbish bout I could move, cause my house would still get demolished, and then what would I come back to?!!

Venting

To the Chupid Bus-Driver who cut before my bus-driver and nearly kill off a bus-full of people (including me) yesterday: What the frick you think this is? Dover raceway? Where you get your damned driver's license? And what the hell you think you doing cutting in front a driver going full speed on a two lane traffic-jammed road - just to get to a damned bus-stop for two little passengers? You damn lucky our bus-driver can actually drive, or else you would have bout sixty murder charges on your head now. And you lucky the man that stop our bus and got out to confront you bout your nasty driving never have a gun on him. Him woulda blow your brains to Timbuktu. Is people like you give Jamaica bad name, driving on the road like you get your license underwater! You don't know you can't overtake on main road that ram with traffic? And then for you to look at the bus fulla frighten passengers that just see them life flash before them and laugh? You shudda open your bus door when the angry man come knock it and tell yuh to come outta the b@*b$cl&^t bus to make him and you work it out. Yuh shudda open the bus door and come out mek him get to buss yuh a$$. Eediat!!

To the University Administrator who neglected to update their website: Now you just really need a lick inna yuh head!! You know how much trouble you cause me? I was there believing I had to pay $43,000 plus miscellaneous. Had the money put down too. Now I hearing that things change and I have to pay $150 something-thousand!! You know how much trouble you cause me????? You know the hell me going through now to find that mega-load a money that my parents don't have hiding somewhere cause them not rich people? How you must not update something as crucial as the raises in fees?? Especially by THAT MUCH? Hm? You think money grow on trees round here? You think we have money fallin from sky like rain? Hm? You mek I ever catch you... I beat that 150 gran outta you...

To the guy at work who claims to have this unhelpable attraction to me: Help it!! Because you don't stand a chance in hell and you're getting on my laaast nerve! You make me want to throw my cell phone through the window under a speeding car, disguise myself and go into hiding. For the record, when a girl say she not interested the first coupla times, is not a test to see if you persevere and eventually get the prize - is not some covert invitation to pursue her to the ends of the earth. It should never be a turn-on. Take it that she mean exactly what she say: SHE NOT INTERESTED!!

And furthermore, is just plain chupid and ridiculous to ask a girl you just meet and barely know if you can be her boyfriend - just outta the blue so?? If it was a joke, it would prob'ly pass for a half-compliment, but for you to look her dead in the eyes and be serious... and she don't know you from Eden, and you don't know anything bout her? You MUST be kidding!! The law is that you try to get to know the girl first, then, when you build some sorta attraction, you try a move...

And one more thing, you can't just up and start pursuing a girl without finding out first if she don't have a man! This is Jamaica! You ever hear bout cutlass and bottle torch?? Man will black your eye for them woman... so nex time you feel 'unhelpable attraction' do yourself a favour and check if the chick single FIRST!!