Friday, February 27, 2009

Randomosity: Today's Thoughts

She should definitely talk less in class, because her darkness just overpowers... Today, for example, she was adamant that ALL people who migrate for years, and come back with accents, are trying to disown their Jamaican-ness. We (meaning the entire class) tried to show her that this wasn't necessarily the case. We tried to show her that sometimes it's just hard to lose that accent in a day, if ever! But she refused to listen. She was sure that ANYbody who came to live in Jamaica after years abroad and kept their foreign accent was just trying to be showy. This in a class where the teacher, who has lived here for quite a while, still has a heavy British accent. Steups.

I know I shouldn't have said it. But -at the time- it felt right. I thought the context allowed for such a comment. I thought I would be understood. Well, funny how fast everyone around you will back up into their shells, and deny ever knowing you... the wrong word, spoken even at the right moment, can do irreparable harm...

Maybe I reopened a door that should have stayed closed. I had no idea so many issues and thoughts and feelings still lingered. I guess (and hope), that by reopening this door, I can finally clean this closet once and for all.

Awww.. twin baby girls, with their hair twisted in reggae-colour beads... holding hands and crossing the road together, their little book-bags and tunics... adorable...

I broke his heart, ripped it to shreds, put him through hell, and all he says is: it's cool. Just like that. No hard feelings. No nothing. It's cool. We're okay, he says. Are we really okay? And was he always this amazing?

14 comments:

Will said...

i made a long, involved comment - then blogger decided it was yummy and ate it... dammit...

essentially:

1. i wanna hear your response to your colleague...

2. contentious people are vexatious to the spirit...

3. count yourself lucky - guys can be cold if they're torn up inside - and rarely will we let you know how torn uo we really are...

:-)

Wuthering said...

Hi Ruthi!!

Did your ex have twins!?!

I'm interested the "lesson" you gave the poor ignoramus!!

I wouldn't worry about the other classmates being silent. They all probably agreed with you. If your classroom is like mine, a lot of students are not as willing to go out on a branch to make a point as maybe you and I.

Although, if you are like me, I always wish I blended a bit more into the wood work. Sometimes we do inadvertently put our own well-being at risk. THAT SAID, would it be ok to be silent and let our soul die little by little for stifling its voice!?!

It really is a tough call. I know my boyfriend has silented himself and, while he does have a more successful life for it, he too feels remorse for losing the fire that goes along with saying what you think.

xxxx

Stunner said...

I too would have loved to hear that conversation and that girl in her bliss of ignorance.

Abeni said...

What did you say Ruthie?

Yes people are like that. I remember one time I wrote a letter to my employers highlighting common problems we all face.

Guess who alone was left to feel the music?

Abeni said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
areyouteeaych said...

one.) yes Ruthi, come share your witty retort!
two.) is one and two related?
three.) is this pertaining to a recent FB status abt umm...forgetting?
four.) i love the little things that touch our hearts.
five.) yes.

loved this.
x.

Ruthibelle said...

LMAo- it's soo funny how different people read into these 'random' thoughts in different ways!!

Lucy, no the ex (why does that sound so weird?) doesn't have twins. To the best of my knowledge, he has no kids at all... young 22-yo dude with kids... hmmm...

@Rhytswell... yeah. I can't beleive it, right?? I was starting to feel... ummm... nostalgic. I had to really get firm with myself and say 'no! You will NOT go back there. Get over it.' It worked. Things are settling down nicely, and I'm alright now. I'll be ok, how observant of you... :)

Ruthibelle said...

@everyone: I got pissed cause this classmate was talking loudly over everyone while we were trying to explain to her that she was WRONG.. not even mistaken, just straight out WRONG!

After we spent about ten minutes of our valuable class time trying to correct her and she was there being loud and disruptive and just dark, I was reeking attitude. No lie.

Before I spoke, I basically told her to shut up, it was my turn to talk and we'd all more than heard her point (the whole class went quiet there... the teacher had this cute little smirk on her face... but she didnt stop me, so I pressed on).

I don't remember exactly what I said, but I know it was something about being myopic and intolerant and underexposed... unfit to live in a global society, and basically being very dark and ignorant-par-excellence... I might have used more severe language and I was definitely on a roll... the teacher jumped in with a little quirky 'ok! let's go on...' and funny enough, everything she said afterward made reference to the dynamics of language... I guess she made the same point I made, but was more tactful about it...

*sigh* I should learn to be quicker to listen and slower to speak...

Crankyputz said...

Good for you, standing up to her, when others would have been quiet.

The last line got me a little teary!

Hugs.

Lori said...

Way to GO, Ruthibelle! I cannot stand people who think in black-and-white. It's so limiting. And she is wrong - I've been working with a Vietnamese student for three years to diminish her accent (her choice - I think accents are part of our personalities). To date, she's not made much progress. My husband's ex has been in the US for 25 years. Her Brazilian accent is as strong as the day she left Sao Paulo.

Why exactly should we change just to conform? I love that you stood up for the masses who bring their unique cultural experiences with them.

longbench said...

Ruthie - I read your response and screeched "jeeeezas scrise" out loud and startled myself!

Yuh done trace off di gyal in front a di teacha fi true. Sounds like she deserved it, although she is partially correct. Protection of the "accent" - or accidents as I call them - is one way of managing one's status in Jamaica.

Others were thinking what you said, though, although they are probably also thinking, I hope I don't say anything that stupid so that she can come after me too! That's right, keep 'em on their toes, Ruthie!

Jdid said...

dat girl going come afta ya now :-)

Ruthibelle said...

yeah. i kno, right... a very strong possibility.

Mighty Afroditee said...

Cho! Jus' leave a body hangin', why dont'cha??? What did you say? And to who? Did they cry (the sadist in me want's to know)...lol...