Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Dear Daddy Dearest,

I should start by saying how much I love and respect you as a man who can own the word 'father' in its fullest sense. As a man who actively contribute to the welfare of all your children. As a man who stick with one wife for all of 24 years, and as a husband who still do corny things like hug your wife from behind and kiss her on the lips before your children (yuck!)...

But seriously daddy... I think is time you and me talk. And since I still fraid to tell you these things just so, I decide to write this letter.

*Deep breath*

See, daddy...

I'm a big girl now.

Most people agree.

I not being feisty or rude or playing some rebellion game. I'm 20 years old now, you know. I think I have enough sense to make certain decisions without.... parental interference.

*deep breath*

Daddy, I think is time for you to let go.

I don't mean let go as in desert me and cut me off completely (especially not now when I halfway through university, oh God no!). I mean loosen your grip a little so I can... you know... breathe...

Daddy, I done know where I come from. You drill that into my head and I will never forget it. God knows I love home, and I will forever be a country-bumpkin at heart, but some things can only stay in the heart. I don't want to live there forever. And sometime soon, you must realise and accept that I won't.

And this religion thing... *sigh*. Daddy... would you please stop interrogating my friends bout religion? If they not Christians, then they just not Christians. Leave them alone and stop frighten them with hell and eternal damnation every time they come round.

And... ahm... this thing about me having a boyfriend that you like... You realise, daddy, that is not you the young man dating, is me? How you expect me to get married, sir, if I don't date nobody? And how you expect me to date anybody, sir, if alla them fraid a you? And how you expect them to stop frai a you, sir, if everytime they come near your house, you sit them down and preach them a sermon or conduct CIA-level interrogation?? You know me stubborn just like you and me not going fall for the set-up thing you and mummy try with Jazzy! (Jazzy=my older sis)

Daddy, I know when you look at me you still see little defenseless five-year-old Ruthie with the lisp and the buff teeth and the crooked little smile, but if you look harder you will notice that the lisp disappear, the buff teeth grow out properly, and the smile not so crooked anymore. This overprotective, control-my-life, interrogate/convert/scare-away-my-friends thing... *sigh*... it have to stop.

Daddy, when you look at me, don't see the big, bad world waiting to get me. Don't see the men you will never trust with your precious little innocent daughter... Don't see the things you have no control over and can never change anyway. See me. Beneath the make-up and the earrings and the pretty floral patterns, is the same Ruthie you raised from baby. I still your baby girl. Just a woman too. And woman mean autonomous freedom to decide my life... without well-intentioned but undue interference... you understand what I saying?

With Love,
Ruthibelle.

Cc: Mommy Dearest...

20 comments:

Will said...

*grin*

ahhhh fathers and their girl children...

i'm a guy and my dad still calls me every night to find out if i'm ill, poor or suicidal... it irritated me in my 20's, but now that i'm in my 30's i find it strangely comforting... it's always nice to have someone unconditionally on your side...

lucy said...

Ruthi! some things will probably never change! it hurts, yet, the good news is the more rope you give your daddy the longer rope you'll find with others.

i can't say i have any experience with this. yet, your daddy sounds like he's trying to only find the best. a guy unable to persevere with your father would probably not be able to persevere with you!

i like the quote:
"...but some things can only stay in the heart."

no truer words spoken. Surely your father will have to come around! and knowing you, you'll find the guy who will wait till your father realizes "daddy's little girl is all grown up."

in the mean time keep doing Ruthi!

clnmike said...

You can forget about that jack, once daddy's gil always daddy's girl, he might give you a break but believe me it will only be a break.

geewiz said...

Ruthie, I wish I had a daddy to fawn over me. U're one lucky girl.

Abeni said...

Girl,this is one thing that hardly ever changes but hopefully it will get better

Jacqueline Smith said...

So, um, have you delivered this? Will you? Iffing and butting about it? It sounds reasonable to me, and it might to them too, I don't know. Have they seen your blog? Or maybe you should have the heart to heart (read face to face)with them?

Tia's Real Talk said...

Very nice! It's not mean or harsh. Your daddy sounds like a great father/husband, be thankful to God for him.

Are you really gonna give it to him or just venting?

kalonje said...

Me have a feeling your daddy will nary see this one, hehe :D

But G is right. Seriously, you lucky to have your daddy, even if tham man do scare the bejesus outta we!

And everybody make a good point. This is a reasonable letter. You have a reasonable father... let him know... and then let we know how it goes, lol

Ruthibelle said...

Awill: aaah! fathers and tehir girl children is right!

@mike/abeni: ohmigosh I think you're right. And I'm starting to recognise that. I'll just hafta live with it or work my way around that (minus the live-in-that-parish part, cuz that's not hapnin).

@lucy: it doesnt hurt at all. More like annoys every now and then... the day I wrote this was one of those days...

Ruthibelle said...

lol@jackie. Delivered?? LMAO. Crazy, crazy, crazy. I'ma stick this out til bout 45...

kalonje, what you mean my daddy wont see this? You know I got that big ole stubborn streak from him, right?? If it was a megahuge deal, he'da known a'ready! But, as things stand, i'm just being a little miss priss!!

@tia: i frequently say, not to brag or anythin (lol), i have the ebst daddy in the whole world... hands down! Luv him. But word to describe daddy sometimes: overzealous.

He means well, but lawd sometimes I just gotta shake my head, smile and shush.

Anonymous said...

once a daddy's girl... you better believe it

Anonymous said...

once a daddy's girl... you better believe it

Beth said...

Ruthi...I thought this letter was from My daughter to HER father! You said everything with grace and love......

Stunner said...

LOL! Seems that most good parents have a hard time letting go! Hush.

Ruthibelle said...

the "good" ones, huh? Well that just sucks!! But like I said, since this isn't really that huuuuge a deal, I'll just stick it out till 45 or so, by which time, well, you know, daddy still clinging would be a little less than impractical... (and highly disturbing, lol)

laroper18 said...

All the best with that :-)

Ruthibelle said...

yeah. I know right!

M Chickk said...

Sounds like you have a caring Dad but it sounds like he is scared, like most Dad's can be, of what happens when their little girls grow up. He will come around eventually. Just remember, as much as you want your freedom, its just as hard for him to give it.

I feel sorry for my daughter because I already know what she is going to have to go through with her Dad! :)

Good luck!

longbench said...

Ruthibelle - so many of us have written these letters, knowing we needed to say what we felt, but that we were never going to send it. I suspect that if you give your father this letter, he is going to be totally crushed. Because, no matter what you say and how lovingly you put it, he is going to hear and interpret it as "she doesn't need me anymore; what is my purpose now that she doesn't need me to watch over her?" His whole identity and notion of being a father is wrapped up in being the "daddy" and you being the "girl". If the "girl" disappear or changes too quickly, "daddy" is going to be on rocky ground. He already knows in his head what you are trying to say; its just not what he's feeling. So, like you intimated, just humour di man fi now; mek im talk an fa'as inna yuh bisness an' gi directions an what not; den just do wha' yuh was gwa'in do anyway. That way, everybody happy, right? I'm glad you seem to have a healthy relationship with your parents. I'm not putting unfair pressure/value on your relationship with your father by saying its special because so many people don't have it; I'm saying treasure it because good, wholesome relationships with anybody, including relatives, are not easy to sustain.

Ruthibelle said...

Long, I really appreciate those words of wisdom. Thanks much!

lol@m chickkk