Having no money all the time just SUCKS! I've known this horrible companion called 'bruk-pocket' only all my life. I remember this one time in Grade Five, when we were exchanging gifts (pixie exchange). Even though I told my parents weeks and weeks in advance... we just never had enough money to lavish one of those expensively nice gifts on my Pixie. So we got a little picture frame, and some other nice li'l trinkets, neatly put them together, and wrapped them up pretty. (Sidenote: I was excited to see the end result, thought it was reeely nice!)
Forward to pixie exchange day. I got a new book. I loooved reading, so of course I liked my gift. But when Pixie opened her gift, she said she wanted her book back. Yeah. It was like that. I was only nine at the time, and the youngest in the class (bright kid + born December + start school early...) but I doubt youth was why it hurt. It was being reminded of just how poor you were in comparison to your classmates.
She drew the whole class's attention to the issue. Everyone was doing the upturned nose thing, looking down on me like 'how could you?' The teacher got involved and told me I would have to give Pixie another gift. In the end, I had to go home -bawling- to explain the whole thing to Mummy (the things I put my mother through...). She had to explain it to Daddy, and he, in turn, had to find the money to buy Pixie a book similar to mine. So that's how we settled that. But it has stuck with me til now.
Being poor sucks, and being bright and poor is like an oxymoron. Shouldn't brains get you the well-paying job? When I was little, I used to wonder what that feeling was that I got from my rich friends' parents. It wasn't exactly adoration, but it was like uncomfortable compliments, awkward congratulations ("aw, you're so poor but so bright... good for you"... ack). They were obliged to say they hoped you reached far and did well, but the fact that they had to look at you in order to say it, and thus be reminded that you were the underprivileged sparkie made them uncomfortable. People hate to be reminded of the discomforts of life that DON'T affect them.
Ah, the rich man's pity. Nothing worse. They treat you with deference because your brain is like, Einstein, but they don't really like being in such close proximity to poverty, or poverty being in such close proximity to their kids five days out of a week... yup, primary school was somethin' else.
Wonderin' what started this? Today was another one of those rough days at work. In Jamaica, when you're not born with that little silver spoon dangling out of your pouter, you have to take what you get til you can get only what you'll take. And right now, that's where I am. It sucks. There's something about taking charge of your own life and creating realities to be said here... but I forget. *SIGH*
The sun'll come out... toooomorooow... Bet your bottom dollar that tomorrrooooow... there'll be suuuuuuuuuuuunnnnn... Just thinking about... tomoroooow....